Friendships: The Re-Analyzation

So....I have no friends...

That has been my theme for the past year. Although I have made some lovely new potential connections, looking back over the years I've realized there are many friends that I have lost.

I would say that my social life was at an all time high around 2010-2011. I had a good job, money to play with, and a wealth of social outlets. The people who I surrounded myself at the time I thought were my ace deuces. My favorite moments and most epic adventures, I  can recount certain people that were there. However, they aren't anymore.

From time to time, I wrestle in my mind about how in the hell did someone I deemed so close be now  just a memory. The biggest thing I arrived to is understanding how seasons play a major role in the people you associate with. There are some that are meant to be in your life for good and others just for a moment. No use in being frustrated with those who fall into one category or another.

I've spent more time than I needed to trying to convince people how worthy I was as a friend. Always caught into trying to stress how much I deserved to be thought of, considered, and most of all included into their life as I have done for them. During that time, I discovered that I did myself a grave disservice. The greatest disservice is how I was virtually prostituting myself in order to retain friendship.

Those days are over.

Although there can be much debate about why certain relationships ended, one thing I can be sure of is that it was meant to happen. The mileage and lessons I've gained just from discovering the nature of people, I wouldn't trade for anything. Although it does sting remembering the lost friends, I know that my life has been enriched as a result of them.

For anyone out there that feels they need to advertise or whore themselves out for any type of companionship (whether in person or social networking), please get to the root of what's going on. I think the real testament of loving yourself is being alone with yourself and still have joy. Know that when it is your time to have people in your life in this fashion, it will be just that.

Blessings.