Since this is the season of love, romance, and all things of that nature; I thought it would be appropriate to discuss how one can avoid the unthinkable. For those who are single, sexy, and free, you might be feeling your pussy enough to go catch a "date" or in other words a hookup. Here are ways to avoid what could be featured in "When Hookups Go Wrong!"1. You may not know this potential jump off very well so it is very important to look for signs of uncleanliness. Pay attentions to details. If their nails are caked with dirt, their hair is a matted tragedy, there is a smell that tends to linger with every shift of their body, and/or their breath smells like an old chili pot; chances are you are in for a shitty deal. And I'm not talking about one of a business nature either.
2. Make sure this individual isn't a two bit criminal. If you don't know ole boy or miss bitch very well, don't be all up in the bathroom for extended periods of time and catch fever when your dining room set has left the building with their shape. Take care of all business beforehand to make sure that the queen is always in your presence. Be intuitive. Sneakiness is never cute. If they are looking around more then they are looking at you, patting you down while calling themselves putting the moves on you, or insisting you go get them a cup of water/bowl of soup with saltine crackers/ferrero rocher chocolates in the next room; they are set to boost for filth.
3. After the coast is clear from the first two items. Go ahead and test the waters. You can tell a lot from the first kiss. But if her tonsils end up in your mouth, that's a problem. Who's wants an eager girl? Maybe you like all that but be prepared to be jackhammered. A good kiss would almost fool you to think that you have been with this person for many years. A bad one will have you screaming: girl what?
4. Once the kiss has passed the test, go ahead and leave your potential jump off to the room. Once you go through the warm ups, lay back and see if they can take control. Who wants to do all the work during an encounter? I could go to the gym for that. If I have to pick you up, put you down, flip you over, position you and do it all again, please gather your things and get out. This is a two way street over here. If you can't put in work then neither should I.
5. Try to keep the first go-round one on one. I'm not going to sit up and down the group activities but don't overwhelm yourself on the upchuck. Make sure it's good with one before you go adding another! If Randall insists on including Liz/Quinton, then it's time to revoke the initial invite.
So there you have it my single lovelies. Please always make sure that you play safely or at least until trust is established. But whatever you do, don't do it with regret or remorse. On the other hand, it's ok to explore. Don't be a prude. But please, listen to the signs. If something doesn't feel right, sound right, or give you the creeps, save yourself from embarrassment and/or displeasure and punch it as fast as you can.
